During the SituationIn Part 1, we looked at how you can prepare yourself to manage anxiety in a social situation. Here, you will find tips to manage anxiety in the situation and to "debrief" afterwards to use this instance as a learning opportunity to do even better next time. Breathe Remind yourself to take deep breathes regularly. This will help to regulate your nervous system. Use “Anchors” Anchors are visual, mental, tactile, auditory or olfactory prompts that generate an internal response - in this instance, calm, confidence, acceptance, etc... Examples of anchors you can easily use in social set-ups are:
Take breaks: When you feel anxiety escalating beyond your normal baseline, take a break and walk away for a few minutes (bathroom or getting a drink work well). Take this opportunity to breathe deeply and settle yourself, and remind yourself of your intention and plan before re-engaging. Follow-Up DebriefIt is useful to take a moment by yourself or with a safe and supportive person to debrief and evaluate how the situation went.
Acknowledge What Went Well Even if you did get overwhelmed by anxiety during the situation, because you prepared for it, you probably did something differently. Name what went well, what you did differently or better. Acknowledging small progress helps building on it. Did you manage to ward off anxiety for longer? Were you able to enjoy the social aspect of the situation more? Maybe you felt more confident. Maybe you talked more. Maybe you stayed longer. When anxiety crept in, did you manage to contain it, at least for a while? Did you find support? After the event, were you able to settle yourself more quickly? Identify what helped this positive outcome. What will you want to repeat and practice because it helped in this situation? Acknowledge your Growing edge Look at what did not go so well. It is useful to be curious about the edges of growth and change, rather than critical. Remember than change takes time and practice. When did anxiety become unmanageable, unbearable? What triggered that? How did you react? If a similar situation were to arise again, how could you respond differently? Acknowledge your growing edge. Learn from this situation to plan for the next. Accept and Let Go Take a few deep breaths and hold side by side the progress and the edges that you identified. Remind yourself: It is done; it is finished; it is in the past and you lived through it with the good and the ugly. Take a few more deep breathes, and turn your thoughts to the rest of your day and what comes next. This is the long version of the process, which is useful when you first start actively managing your anxiety. As you practice it, over time, you will likely find that you require less time and effort to go through it. Over time, as your anxiety baseline lowers, you may also need to go through this process less frequently. Experiment with it and, as you learn what helps and does not, make it your own. I hope you find this information useful. If you would like help adapting these tools to your own personal circumstances, please feel free to contact me at [email protected]. I offer counselling in-person in Remuera and online. Best wishes on your journey of managing anxiety! Managing anxiety is best done throughout the day, as unsettling situations arise, so that to avoid a build-up of emotions that may overwhelm you at the worst possible moment.
If you know you are going to enter a space that generates anxiety, whether it be going to the office, a party or a family get-together, etc... it is wise to take a moment to prepare and ground yourself. Taking 2-3 minutes to bring your anxiety level down at this point can make a big difference on how you will experience and manage the actual situation. Depending on the level of anxiety you experience, you may want to run through this process more than once. For instance, you can prepare yourself a few days ahead of the event, earlier on the day, and and just before the situation. Grounding yourself works best if you attend to your body, your emotions and your thoughts so that all these aspects of your most immediate experience are reasonably settled before you enter the stressful environment. Acknowledge Start with paying attention to the thoughts you have about the situation that you are going to face, the emotions linked to those thoughts and how those emotions are impacting your body. For instance, I have often worked with clients who experience high levels of stress and anxiety at their work place. So this part of the process could go something like: “ I feel extremely anxious about my day in the office. I am thinking about the meeting I will have at 10 am with X and how they talk down to me and how small I always feel during our meetings. I dread losing track of my thoughts and making a fool of myself. Just thinking about it now, I am already feeling anxious, helpless and defeated. I can feel my heart thumping in my chest, I feel clammy and I just want to go home.” Breathe Having acknowledged this, take several deep breaths, breathing in deeply though the nose and breathing out slowly and deeply through the mouth. Do this for as long as you need to, until you feel calmer, your heart rate is slower and your heightened emotions feel steadier. Reassure Now, take a moment to cognitively reassure yourself. For this, you want to focus on the present moment. Anxiety mostly is about the future, which is not there yet. So, this can go: “I am worried about the meeting [Validating your experience] and right now, I am in my car, in the carpark. Right now, I am ok. [Reassure] My fears are based on an educated guess based on previous experience [Validating your experience]. And at this point, none of what I am imagining has come to pass. At this point I am ok. At this point, I am safe. [Reassure]” Realistic Expectations and Planning This can also be a good time to plan for the situation you dread and, if it feels comfortable, set yourself a realistic goal you want to achieve. For instance, a goal can be to tolerate staying at a party for over an hour, talking to at least three persons at a social event, intervening once in a business meeting, etc… It is best to focus on one goal at a time, until you have mastered it. Going back to the example above, a goal may be to stand your ground at least once in the situation, or to leave the conversation appropriately before you feel too impacted by your colleagues attitude. To plan, you can rehearse the situation in your mind, imagining different likely scenario and how you could manage them. E.g if X starts talking down to you, how might you put down some boundaries this time?
It may pay to jolt these down on paper or on a mobile device so as to have a visual reminder readily available. It is now time to step out of your safety zone and enter the lion’s den! |
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