Managing Anxiety in Social Situations (Pt 2) - During & After
In Part 1, we looked at how you can prepare yourself to manage anxiety in a social situation. Here, you will find tips to manage anxiety in the situation and to "debrief" afterwards to use this instance as a learning opportunity to do even better next time. During the Situation Breathe Remind yourself to take deep breathes regularly. This will help to regulate your nervous system.
Use “Anchors” Anchors are visual, mental, tactile, auditory or olfactory prompts that generate an internal response - in this instance, calm, confidence, acceptance, etc... Examples of anchors you can easily use in social set-ups are:
A note on your phone screen to remind you to breathe
A mental image or a picture on your phone that you associate with safety and calm
Touching your belly to remind you to stay centred
Remembering a favourite smell that you associate with happiness or comfort
Take breaks: When you feel anxiety escalating beyond your normal baseline, take a break and walk away for a few minutes (bathroom or getting a drink work well). Take this opportunity to breathe deeply and settle yourself, and remind yourself of your intention and plan before re-engaging.
Follow-Up Debrief It is useful to take a moment by yourself or with a safe and supportive person to debrief and evaluate how the situation went.
Acknowledge What Went Well Even if you did get overwhelmed by anxiety during the situation, because you prepared for it, you probably did something differently. Name what went well, what you did differently or better. Acknowledging small progress helps building on it. Did you manage to ward off anxiety for longer? Were you able to enjoy the social aspect of the situation more? Maybe you felt more confident. Maybe you talked more. Maybe you stayed longer. When anxiety crept in, did you manage to contain it, at least for a while? Did you find support? After the event, were you able to settle yourself more quickly?
Identify what helped this positive outcome. What will you want to repeat and practice because it helped in this situation?
Acknowledge your Growing edge Look at what did not go so well. It is useful to be curious about the edges of growth and change, rather than critical. Remember than change takes time and practice. When did anxiety become unmanageable, unbearable? What triggered that? How did you react? If a similar situation were to arise again, how could you respond differently? Acknowledge your growing edge. Learn from this situation to plan for the next.
Accept and Let Go Take a few deep breaths and hold side by side the progress and the edges that you identified. Remind yourself: It is done; it is finished; it is in the past and you lived through it with the good and the ugly. Take a few more deep breathes, and turn your thoughts to the rest of your day and what comes next.
This is the long version of the process, which is useful when you first start actively managing your anxiety. As you practice it, over time, you will likely find that you require less time and effort to go through it. Over time, as your anxiety baseline lowers, you may also need to go through this process less frequently. Experiment with it and, as you learn what helps and does not, make it your own.
I hope you find this information useful. If you would like help adapting these tools to your personal circumstances, please contact me. Best wishes on your journey of managing anxiety!